Post Four. 

Have you ever been so upset, so angered, so let down by a friend, that in the end you simply just give up?

Well I have and I regret to say that my trying twice, to fix what they did wrong and not actually getting any end product has allowed me to reach the point of just not caring at all. 

Now if you knew me, you’d know that I’m an extremely passionate person, with blood on my tie and heart on my sleeve and I don’t just lost care easily. 

At the end of a short post, I truly believe in loyalty, trust and good morales to form a great foundation of any one person. 

For me to give up on you, you must have really fucked up! 


Post Three.

Storm before the calm. 

On a whole, my experience in America has been the whirlwind one could write about. First year, a freshman in terms of class and my oh my what fun we had. A clan of Europeans walking round campus. Eyes bulging past the blinkers of the “holy” students as they are captivated by our vast range of culture beaming out of our English, German and Scottish backgrounds. A successful year of football, partying, meeting plenty of new people. 

Second year came around as we added an Australian to the mix as we lost the two Germans.  Becoming a sophomore was random, football was good personally, relationships with ladies were extravagant. Saddest of farewells to my best friend as he departed for Liverpool and we later discover he wouldn’t return. Living with the added spice of an Aussie began perfect, an ideal situation as the friendship was strong. Living in close quarters can take its toll on someone with a strong personality when the other person doesn’t take care in their day to day life. 

Present day and I’m now to be moving out and staying in a spare room, of our previous assistant coach who just got the offer of head coach – information I received before any other player. 

The last six weeks of being back in America have been tough and now things seem to be heading in the right direction. I’m pleased to be working three jobs. Salesman, groundsman and a football coach with my transport a bicycle that my first American girlfriend gave me as compensation for our ending. 

The support from my family has been immense, 4,500 miles away. Without the FaceTime calls, I would be in complete meltdown. 

Not being able to change the waves this storm has produced, I have learn’t how to surf them. 

Post Two.

Twenty days ago, I made my first blog post, something that I could of actually done a few months prior with the drafts I type. Many wise people say that you’d be amazed at what can happen in a day, well let me tell you “wise people”, the last twenty days have been rather eventful; here’s a short recap.

The exit from the European Union officially happened, unimaginable to most but here we are. The pound not as strong as it has been in trades with the US dollar, making money virtually equivalent in my life now. My family are going to be affected by this financially and unfortunately so are many others. My father recently went for a job with a higher salary, unfortunately for him to not see it worth the jump in wage. Money is tight all over the world and I could not be more grateful for all I have, believe me when I say that, I’ve been to Kenya and witnessed the devastation Africa has with my own eyes. Nevertheless, my family are my top priority and this will be a monumental set back for us, I am hopeful things shall pick up sooner, rather than later.

Fitness is extremely important to succeed in football nowadays, I used to be alright at playing semi-pro back in England with training twice a week and games on Saturday afternoons. I can see that you’re thinking, he’s making out he’s old… well I have been fortunate to be old in this sport having a wide span career – if you may – of 11 years, so virtually half my life. I have been running every morning and most evenings too, trying to get in a twice a day run whilst balancing the co-ordination of a pest company and the complex management to get our apartment detoxed as it was riddled with bedbugs, something I once thought was a old wives tale. As soon as we spent the first night back in the apartment, a prompt start at Sears Hometown store would embark my first job in America. No rest for the wicked as coaching football was still in full flow. With any chance I got, doing my up-most to secure a home for Scouse and I to live in for when he arrives back in USA from England. Doesn’t sound like a lot, but let me tell you, there is NOT enough hours in the day.

Troubles with a friend, disloyal and cowardly, leaving me disappointed. My mentality has always been, women are less important than your friends who are genuine friends. Maybe that doesn’t go through everyone’s head or heart. B let me down by dating my ex-girlfriend, not only do I not approve, I was informed by him over a Facebook message. Cowardly as we had hung out twice before he sent the message days later, and since he tries to make normal of life and talk to me like nothing’s happened. I’m disgusted in his behavior when I’ve done nothing but looked after him like a younger brother.

Currently I still reside at The Links with J, B & M… the whole scenario started off wonderfully, it was new and exciting as great friends began a life living together. Unfortunately our personalities wildly differ when it comes to motivation, organisation and passion. Thus leaving a few disgruntled evenings in each others presence creating a misty and dull mood through the apartment. Liquid courage has always seemed to enable my counterparts with their issues within the close living proximity, whereas myself, a strong character isn’t phased to tell it how it is over breakfast with a cup of tea. Now back in Conway and settled into a rhythm, we have mutually decided that I am to leave the household, much to my relief and probably theirs.

The fitness I mentioned further up is in regards to the season that is about to unveil to our prying eyes very shortly, a matter of 4 weeks. Preparing myself to be the best physical shape my time and effort allows, giving me the chance to propel to the top of the pack and lead by example. The team is going to have a very different experience in all aspects applicable to football. Much to my dismay, the manager has resigned his post to support his wife with her new job north of the state in Fayetteville. A decision that has broken the man I know and love as a coach, mentor, friend and confidant, but this upset will only bring a new level of competitiveness among the squad we have.

Fast-forwarding a week or so and my hunt for a property to rent still of high priority. I stop by a realty office on my cycle home from work. Strange encounters happen to me all the time – no I’m not talking about Extra Terrestrial abductions. Greeted by a man of the south with his thick country-drawn accent. Firm handshakes exchanged, this man I do not recognise from Adam, instantly knew me from my introduction. Turns out this fella had shown me a property about 8 months ago, and told me how he kicked himself for not holding off on another offer before we had the chance to rent. Anyways… I sat down in his office, decorated with awards on his back wall from the early 00’s and his realtors certificate, slap bang in the middle. We spoke for what seemed a lifetime, and to which I only planned on spending 10 minutes with him, eventually turning into an hour and a half. As I looked across the desk at him, sat in his Razorbacks office chair, the sheer excitement he had at the potential he was prepared to deal. Well the hand he dealt me were not sour lemons, it was in fact an opportunity to have my licensing and schooling paid for, to earn the documentation to become a fully-fledged realtor.

Only went in to get a rental property and got offered the world … strange but enticing!

Sad news dawned upon my day after I received a FaceTime call from my brother Scouse. He has suffered for a few years now with scary and frequent anxiety attacks leading him to want to run away from the world and live in a forest away from everyone. This man is my other half, the person I can rely on the save my life over and over again without even batting an eye lid. The phone call was to be the joy of Scouse letting me know a date and time he would need picking up from LR National Airport. More misery has come my way. Scouse has decided he would carry on with his venture in England, he has everything he needs and he has been consulting with a monk in recent days, helping him come to the conclusion that all he does is run from anything and chase the wind instead of doing what he truly feels, deep down. Not having someone I class as a brother, by my side like we had planned has gutted me, taken all my insides and left me an empty vessel. I have done nothing but comfort and praise his decision, and as he knows, my support is there night and day.

Anyone left?          Hello…? *echoes*

Some may say an exaggeration but fuck me youth, I couldn’t feel more alone. Gaffa & Scouse not here;  B not worthy of my time until he makes it right;  J,B&M not an easy path to walk on, egg shells everywhere. The rest of the people here I have as friends, on the team, people from UCA, the africans… As cruel as it sounds, are not people I would go out of my way to hang out with. As internationals, we are supposed to be a family to one another as our real family are across oceans, this is why I do not feel it’s an exaggeration to say, I’m surrounded by people but I’m a figure in the background…standing alone.